Getting Back Out There

Dating no hurryWhen you come out of a relationship one of the scariest things can be putting yourself back out there and start dating again. And if you’ve been in a relationship for a while – it may be that things have changed quite a bit since you were last on the scene.

Because, dating is scary. It just is. It’s you, on your own, meeting new people, trying to come across as the best you possible and constantly risking being stood up, humiliated and rejected.

The reality is that love is a leap of faith and the risk you have to take is of having your heart broken. But, if you’ve ever been in love, you know that it’s a risk so worth taking.
1. Know What You Want From Dating
Before you begin dating know what it is that you are looking for, before, because it will change the way you approach dating.

For example if you’re looking for a fling you may be after someone who rocks your world, you fancy like mad and who is spontaneous, exciting and wild.
For a potential husband it may be a more solid character. Importantly you’ll need to know that he’s on the same page as you for the things that you deem the most important.

Whatever it is you’re looking for, know what you want before starting the dating journey and adapt your search and your style accordingly.
2. Make a Good First Impression

We are biologically programmed to judge people within the first 7 seconds of meeting them. So make sure that you are ready and prepared to make the best of every one of those seconds.

Often on a first date we can be a little closed off and awkward, defensive and desperate not to look ‘too keen’. But this can send the wrong message.

Have open body language so that he knows you want to find out more about him. Face towards him, look him in the eyes and be interested in what he’s saying. Listen to him, be interested and interesting. Be polite, considerate and charming. Turn off your phone and engage with him.

Put effort into the way you look. Wear an outfit you feel great in. Wash your hair and paint your nails. Do whatever it is that makes you feel good. Because when you feel good about yourself you’ll relax and be yourself. And when you’re relaxed and yourself you’ll come across as the best you possible.
3. Be Honest

Be Honest to Yourself. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t see him again. We often think that someone might get better suited to us or more interesting or charismatic on a 2nd, 3rd or 4th date. This rarely happens! So, listen to your intuition and take action on it.

Be Honest to Him. Let him know the sort of relationship you’re after. Don’t feel pressurised to agree with what he wants. If he tells you he just wants a casual fling and you don’t – tell him. Don’t go along with it, hoping he’ll change his mind when he knows you better and realises how fabulous you are.

Alternatively, if you’re not really interested in a relationship with him, be clear and upfront about this. It will both save you time and potential upset going forwards.
4. Be Confident

Be sure to come across as the confident, strong woman that you are.

If he feels like you wait around all day pining for him, or that you have no life and no friends, he’s going to think twice about a relationship with you. If you have a great life, do fun things, have lovely friends, go out and live – he’s going to want to be a part of this amazing world that you’ve created.

5. Take a Chance

Be selective about who you go on dates with and value yourself, however don’t be too selective. If you keep holding out for the ‘perfect’ man you could be waiting a long time and miss out on the person who is perfect for you.

Consciously decide to be open to the possibility of being with someone who is different from the people you typically choose.

When you consciously choose to break a pattern, you can establish a better relationship with a better, albeit unfamiliar, outcome – i.e the relationship may actually last.
And then take action. Get yourself out there. Join some clubs, arrange a girls night somewhere fun where you may meet some men, sign up to an online dating site.

Dating quotes love

I am an Event Creation & Production Manager based in Cork. I am in final year Law in UCC and also have a love for Politics. I am a former candidate of TV3 The Apprentice and current panelist on TV3 Elaine. I am also a regular radio contributor and a professional event MC and host.

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