During the first few weeks of dating someone new, it can be a precious time but it is also a time when you are guiding yourself into unknown territory. I’m a firm advocate of zero game playing. I don’t believe that ‘you should wait 8 hours before responding to a message from him’, I don’t believe that you should ‘turn him down twice for a date to make him more interested in you’, while you attempt to appear more elusive.
I mean why would you want to be sitting at home in your PJ’s when you could be out with a hot man having fun – it you want to go on the date, go on the date. Dating has changed because we are far more accessible now than ever before, which is a good thing, but equally a negative in some situations.
The problem is that it can be so exciting at the start of dating, that we can stumble into the same holes as in the past. So whilst, I do not agree or believe in “The Rules” in the strictest sense, I do think that there are a few tips that we can all follow for happier and ultimately more successful dating.
1. Don’t act like a needy person. In fact, until you’re in a solid relationship, try to hide any neediness almost entirely. If he doesn’t respond to a text message, do not follow up with a tweet, followed by a messenger on Facebook, topped off with a whatsapp. What did you do before this guy arrived on the scene? You were independent, happy and had no problem filling your time. Most likely, this is what he fell for, so don’t change into a clinging leech. Also, no matter how fabulous an idea it may seem at the time – DO NOT TEXT WHILE DRUNK during the early stages. A drunken message is like an Exocet missile that can’t be disarmed.
2. Don’t be negative. This means you shouldn’t criticise the loud/poorly dressed/gauche people on the other side of the bar from you. Don’t complain that your New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc hasn’t enough hints of gooseberries, or that your salad would’ve been a lot more delightful if they’d only added a splash of Holy Water from Knock on it. Don’t complain about your job. Or your family. Or that one really toxic friend of yours. If you need to vent about any of these things–wait till you’re sitting with an old pal. A big part of the reason we’re attracted to people is because we think they are going to make our lives happier–and the more negative you are, the less likely it is that a guy will think you’ll bring some sunshine to his existence.
3. Always keep this idea in the forefront of your mind: You are not trying to find out if the person you are flirting with or dating accepts YOU. You are trying to figure out if YOU accept HIM. Does he have qualities that you value? Does he make you feel good? Does he treat you the way you want to be treated?
4. Remember that most guys like to pursue. So, while you may be the one initiating contact … let him do the work after you’ve met. Let him call you for dates, write the follow-up emails, and plan for the future. Of course, you want to make it clear that you enjoy his company and want to be with him–but keep him guessing about just how much you really like him until you feel comfortable with the fact that he’s totally into you.
5. Have fun and be playful. Think about how fabulous it is when someone makes a little joke, says something out of the ordinary, or simply engages in a spontaneous act of fun. We all like to smile and (even better) to laugh. When you’re flirting, approach strangers with the attitude that if nothing else happens, at least you’re going to have fun–and you’ll always come out a winner.